Pre Marriage Dinner

I never really understood why this night is termed as the first night. In desi culture the whole family spends millions and billions so that two people can have sex in a halaal way. This is what happened at my wedding as well. It was an arranged marriage, my parents really loved the guy and that’s how they invited them to our place and asked me to dress nicely so that I could look presentable. After a long day at university I was so tired. I just wanted to sleep but because my parents were so excited I went along with whatever they asked of me.

I wore a beautiful blue shirt and white shalwar with a net dupatta. My Mother said that I looked really nice. The guests came at sharp 8pm and my father was quite impressed. This is the time we told them to come and no one usually comes at the right time.

Guests having diner and wine

The Rishta

The guests chatted with my parents for a while and asked them if they could see me. My mother came inside my room and told me that they want to talk to me. I went outside with my mom and there he was with his beautiful blue eyes, tall dark and handsome. It was love at first sight and I was praying that please GOD let this man have an equally good intellect. I talked to his parents and now it was our time to chat. My parents allowed us to go in to our lawn and have a little chit chat.

I knew that this was my only chance of getting to know him better so when we went I started asking loads and loads of question. He looked at me and answered all them quite patiently. I was so impressed.

First night woman holding hand of man

Marriage

After a week his parents came again to talk to my parents about our wedding. I was so happy. Everything was going so smoothly. All the preparations were made swiftly and we got married.

I was so nervous as the only time I talked to my husband was the day he came to my house and that’s it. After my Rukhsati, when we arrived to my new home his mother took me to my room where he was waiting.

First night bed decorated with roses

Disappointment

He came closer and held my hand and took me to our bed. He asked me to remove my clothes, I was so scared.. then he came on to me and started to kiss me.. I was not prepared. What I had in mind was that first we will talk and after a while anything like this will happen but it was the total opposite. He forced himself inside me.  I started screaming as he covered my face with his hands. I cried so much and hated him but what could I do? He did this every night and left early in the morning for office. I was devastated.

Man holding woman hand in heart shape

After a while I told him I’m pregnant and forced me to abort the baby but I didn’t want to. When I told him that he can not force me then he became nice all of a sudden and little did I know his mixed an ECP pill in my juice through which I lost my unborn child. I hate this man from the bottom of my heart but I can not do anything about this. Our families are at great terms and I can not see my parents sad because of me. I know this is wrong at so many levels but this is my fate now.

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